Treasure Valley Silver Award – Sponsored by B.O.S.S. Retirement Solutions & Advisors

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by Sophia Doumani
To read on CBS2 News, Click Here

BOISE, Idaho (CBS2 News) — Losing your spouse can be a traumatic and earth-shattering experience. If you’re going through this, know that you’re not alone and there are ways to get help, like by joining the Widow/Widower Support Group.

“It’s a club no one wants to join, but once you’re in it, you want to be able to talk to others who get it, who understand what it’s like to lose a spouse,” said Francie Link, facilitator and founder of the Widow/Widower Support Group.

Link started the Widow/Widower Support Group at the Dick Eardley Senior Center about two years ago. She says that after more than a year and a half after her husband passed, she was still dealing with extreme grief.

“The pain never goes away,” said Link. “It softens, but it’s always still there. You always still have that hole in your heart.”

Seeking support, Link started a monthly grief group that has since had so many people join, they’ve had to form a second group.

Many people at the Widow/Widower Support Group say the pain of losing their spouse is often made worse by misunderstanding from peers.

“After so long, people will say, ‘You need to get over it,'” said member Ann Warner.

“They are saying, ‘Forget it and start anew,'” said member Jerry Kourouyan. “They are saying that because they haven’t experienced and they don’t know what it means to love a partner to the extent where you wouldn’t wish to replace it. It’s not a car that you have lost.”

As members recounted their marriages, some spanning more than fifty years, it became clear how deeply connected they are by love and loss.

“At the wedding, we give vows that the two of us are becoming one by marrying, and therefore, when one of us passes away or dies, we have become half a person,” said Kourouyan. “They wouldn’t understand what half a person means unless they feel it, and I don’t wish that to anybody.”

Members say they’ve found support, friendship, and hope through this group that explores a different topic each month.

“Once a year, we pick the topics that we want to explore, such as loneliness, which is a big one for widows and widowers. Cooking for one is a real problem, traveling alone, surviving the holidays,” said Link.

If you’re going through this type of pain, Link and the senior center encourage you to reach out.

“We’ve got to comfort each other,” said Kourouyan. “And by comforting each other, we are comforting ourselves also.”

You can call the Dick Eardley Senior Center at (208) 608-7580.

“Call the senior center and sign up to join our group, because it really has been helpful,” said Link. “Other people have ideas on what they do to cope.”

The Dick Eardley Senior Center is located at 690 Robbins Rd, Boise, ID 83702. Finding community at your local senior center can be a helpful tool to combat loneliness.

“In retirement and in becoming a widow or widower, you have to reach out when these big life changes happen and find your support group, find your thing,” said Denise Peterson, Senior Program Coordinator. “It’s helped people figure out what’s next, and part of that is figuring out how to fill your day, and so they can come here and be part of this group and have support.”

Members of the Widow/Widower Support Group say they are grateful to Link for bringing them together and for helping them find hope.

“Francie will tell you that the Senior Center helped her get this group off the ground, but the reality is, Francie came to us with a plan all mapped out for a full year,” said Erika Harmon, Program Specialist at the Senior Center. “She had all the topics, lined out things that she wanted to address, and felt that other people who were experiencing the kind of grief and loss that she was experiencing could benefit from that.”

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